Here are the last 4 puzzle pieces.
#4 Belief and Faith
This is a combination of trusting that things will work out okay, and that the right man for you DOES exist. Or that your relationship CAN work. Once you’ve given up, nothing is possible.
This is one part spirituality (faith in the universe not being against you), one part changing your sad story (“men always abandon or disappoint me”, or whatever your version is) and one part self-deserving — that is, being easily able to picture yourself receiving that level of love from your wonderful man. Find your faith!
#5 Being present and non-attached
Being present means not slipping into what I call the “Fear or Fantasy” state that our egos live in. Our first instinct with intimacy is to either go to fear (“He’s not going to give me what I need from him!”) or into fantasy (“This man is going to give me everything I need!”).
In both cases, you are in your head rather than living in the present moment, there and then, with the man you are meeting, dating or in a relationship with.
All problems between men and women begin with one partner slipping into fear or fantasy. That’s when we shift expectations onto our partner to meet our emotional needs.
We become scared, defensive and aggressive while in fear of them not doing what we want. This leads to arguments or withholding love (punishing them with conditional love) which drives men away faster than a burning building.
Or we start fantasizing about what he will bring into our lives… expecting him to take us for a lavish trip, or listen to us with total presence and empathy for hours on end each day while somehow remaining the CEO of a Fortune 500 company.
Then we are upset when he can’t fulfill these hopes and fantasy-expectations. Talk about a disconnect. He didn’t even see this coming. This often leads to you hearing yourself tell him “Well, you should have known….” in your frustration and disappointment. But this is so toxic.
When a man feels like a disappointment to a woman, it crushes his self-esteem and he either gets resentful, finds another woman he can satisfy, or both. In short, he wants to feel like a hero. Stay out of fear and fantasy and instead, be present with and for your partner.
Of course you must let him know your needs, but without any negative emotional charge. Give him a chance to prove to you that he can please you. If you believe it, he will believe it.
#6 Self-Care and Self-Love
None of this will matter unless you continue to make sure your own needs are not put last. Self-care in your body, emotional, financial, home and other areas ensures you remain a radiant, attractive, wonderful woman and partner.
Showing daily self-love will help you let go of fear. You’ll operate from an attitude of “Hey, I’m a catch. A man is lucky to be with me.” You forgive your own faults and will have more patience with a mans, but won’t tolerate poor treatment from him either.
#7 Have Fun And Flirt!
Sometimes powerful women slip into their masculine energy to take care of responsibilities. Does the phrase “If I don’t do it it won’t get done” sound familiar? Giving yourself permission to let you inner little girl, the little princess, out for some fun, feminine spontaneity is a key to keeping juice, fun and attraction in your life.
Try dancing around your room naked (seriously) to your favorite songs. Call your funniest friend and share jokes or videos that have you both laughing until you cry. Go pamper yourself with something that makes you feel like a lady.
If you consistently practice these seven puzzle pieces, I promise you the way you relate to men will be different than ever before in your life. For Jen, this took her from tired, overworked, stressed and unable to remember the last time she had fun to sharing laughter on a Sunday morning as her and her man made breakfast together before going to Santa Barbara to look at antiques.
For Samantha, this meant finally standing up for her own needs in a lifeless, passionless relationship and creating closer connection, intimacy (and better sex) than ever before with her man. Both are happier now that they put the pieces of the puzzle together.
This is your life. This is your chance to love. This is your time. You have the puzzle pieces. What will you choose to do?
What do you think Barry’s tips on How to Find True Love?
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